Trying to be positive...

Two posts in two days?! I know, it's crazy. But I'm home sick with a cold, so that's what happens. Here's the thing. Lately I've been noticing that I have a really bad attitude about being single. Let's be honest, it's not necessarily the greatest thing all the time, but it's not the worst, either! There's not really a whole lot I can do about it so I'm trying to be positive. Part of the problem is that I haven't really had a life in the last few months due to work changes, school, and illness. So that's probably affecting it more than anything.

Anyway, I have compiled a list of reasons being single has benefited me. I'm hoping this positive outlook will help me change my attitude. This list is obviously more for me than for anyone, but to all you single folks out there hopefully it can lend you some perspective. And to all you married folks out there, be jealous! hahaa!

1. I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

2. Serving a mission. This was the most self-defining experience of my life, and has shaped who I am and how I live my life ever since. I cannot imagine my life without it, and I know I am becoming a better person because of it. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about my mission and the experiences that shaped me while I was there. It is more a part of who I am than anything else in my life.

3. Being an Aunt. I have learned so much about families and kids and marriage just from observing and interacting with my siblings and friends and their children. I love the special relationship I get to have with each of these people in my life. I also love that whenever the kids poop or puke I can give them back to mom and dad :)

4. Traveling. If I were married I probably would not have traveled as much as I have. I have been to Disneyland and Vegas several times, Chicago, NYC, Philadelphia, DC, Disneyworld, and back to Italy. I love that a lot of these trips I made by myself. They have been invaluable personal experiences and allowed me to fulfill dreams and spend much needed time with myself.

5. Becoming independent. I will never have to wonder what I could have done if I had the chance. I know that I can be successful, have a career, and support myself. I know I can get through hard things on my own, and I know that I have a LOT of amazingly loving and supportive friends and family who will help me pull through just about anything. I have had to learn when to push through on my own and how to ask for help when I can’t do it alone. There is a careful balance between humility and self-reliance, and I have had to find and re-find that balance many times.

6. Developed sense of self. While my family would argue that I have always had a determined sense of who I am, being single, especially in the last few years, has really cemented for me who I am, who I want to be, and what is important to me in life. I know what the Lord expects of me and will not compromise that expectation for anyone or anything.

7. Developing good habits. While I’m still working on some of these (as will always be the case) I have developed personal prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance habits that will continue for the rest of my life. I know that these things will be important in my marriage someday, and I love that I have such a deep testimony of how important they are for me, personally, and that they will be for my future family as well. These things are non-negotiable and I will not have a relationship with someone who does not value them.

8. I know what I’m looking for. Dating is like shopping for a good pair of jeans (if you’re a woman, men have this much easier). You kind of know what you like and you have to try on a million pairs to figure out which is best. But man, when you find the right pair, you put them on and you’re like “yeah, this is the pair!” I know what kind of jeans I want, and, more importantly, I know how to recognize the “this is the one” feeling. I know what the priorities are and what I’m looking for. Hopefully I find it soon, because I HATE shopping! :)

9. Spiritual maturity. Because I have had to walk through many personal trials alone, I have developed a profound, personal relationship with God. When you go to bed and wake up alone every single day, you really have no one else to turn to. God and I have worked so many things out that I know I can go to Him with anything. It is the most important relationship in my life, one of trust, love, and understanding. I believe this relationship is something to emulate within a family. It is also a part of my life that is non-negotiable. Again, I will not be with someone who fails to understand that God has a plan for each of us and that the only thing that matters in life is to understand and follow that plan. It is the only way to find true peace, something that I have learned through hard experience. This personal relationship with God will only help strengthen my future marriage and family.

10. Perspective. I believe being single for the last 26 years, 6 months, and one week has taught me a lot about what I want my life to be like when I finally can have a family. I am deeply familiar with the devestation of heartbreak, of being lonely, of facing challenges alone, of not having someone to share joy and dreams with at the level of intimacy that only a marriage can offer. But—I believe that understanding will make me that much more appreciative of the opportunity to have those things and to have a family. I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, but instead I am a single 20-something with a career. I will be so excited when the time is right for me and those dreams can also be fulfilled. I have also taken advantage of the benefits of being single, and can happily look back with satisfaction at everything I have done. I will not have to wonder what I could have done. I am doing it ALL!

11. Knowing what matters. I have earned an undergraduate degree and am half way through a Master’s. I have worked for free, walked away from two jobs for reasons of moral judgment, relocated for education, mission, love, heartbreak, and career. I have had successful business ventures, and some that failed miserably. I have walked away when I didn’t want to, and walk towards things I didn’t understand. I have made the hard choices, but I have made the right choices and wouldn’t change a thing. I know that what matters is not the money, or the title, or what I think “should” happen. What matters is what God needs me to do, become, when and where. A fulfilling career in a morally sound environment means much more than a paycheck. Any environment that keeps me from reaching my potential and does not allow me to be who I am is not worth any amount of money or other compensation. Anything that doesn’t help me progress towards my goals is actually an obstacle holding me back.

12. No one is bothered if I don’t make the bed.

13. I don’t have to share a bathroom with a boy- I’m riding this one out as long as possible

14. Half the amount of dirty dishes

15. I don’t have to split Christmas money with anyone

If anyone has suggestions to add to the list, I’m open. The more positive things I can find, the better!