Fibromyalgia Makes Me Human

On Friday, February 22, 2013 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Many of you probably don't know what that really means. I certainly didn't. Here's a basic definition:

Fibromyalgia

noun

• : a chronic disorder characterized bywidespread pain, tenderness, andstiffness of muscles and associatedconnective tissue structures that istypically accompanied by fatigue,headache, and sleep disturbances

Today is Fibromyalgia awareness day. This disorder (or syndrome, depending what you read), has changed my life. As I considered what to write today, I reviewed in my mind the many possible reactions to this post. A lot of people don't even think Fibromyalgia (FM) is an actual medical problem. I could write about how it affects me personally, or how it affects others I know who have it. I could write about how crippling it can be, how confusing it is, or what it's like to be in a constant state of pain with no relief. I could go into detail about the loss I've suffered, or how polarizing it was to be diagnosed the week before I got engaged. 

In short, I could write to try to tell everyone about my suffering and how FM makes me special. I could talk about why my story is unordinary. But I'm not. I'm not sharing this part of my life because I think FM somehow makes me special. I'm writing because I'm not special. I've learned a lot in the year and a half or so that I've been experiencing symptoms. And I've come to understand some very important things. 

One day I was sharing my journey through diagnosis with a close colleague. She said to me, "Wow. It must be really hard to see God through all of this." Honestly, I was surprised at the comment. Not that she was off-base, but because I have never felt as close to God as I have through this process. I have been aware, in great detail, of the deeply intimate love and care that God has for the details of my life. He has blessed me with love and support before I even knew what was wrong, or that anything would go wrong. 

Here are some of the things I feel about having FM. 

1. I have limitations and boundaries I did not anticipate. 

2. My life is different than I expected it to be. 

3. My body often makes it difficult to do things I want to do. 

My guess is most people feel the same way. What FM has taught me is that suffering comes to all humans in some form at some time. FM sucks. I won't lie. There are days I just cry and cry because it's so hard. But I won't claim it's worse than being an amputee, or having cancer, or anything like that. FM is just one of the ways God has chosen for me to experience my own humanity. We all have this -- it may just be named something else for you: miscarriage, addiction, depression, arthritis, anxiety, divorce, terrorism. The list goes on. 

Through these experiences, we come to know our true selves. My pain forced me to be humble and open, and in turn allowed me to let go of myself and find, recognize, and receive true love. It allowed me to know my Savior more deeply. Through this process I have accepted that I don't have to be a hero. I can give myself boundaries that are good for me. I don't have to pretend I don't have limits. And, regardless of what Nike or any other advertisements say, that does NOT make me weak. It makes me human. 

Sometimes being brave means accepting circumstances beyond your control and finding joy along the way. I do hope you learn more about Fibromyalgia because it is misunderstood, and it affects millions of people. But there are a lot of problems we don't understand. What I really hope is that you accept others and yourself for the way we are all human.